Got the skills to pay the bills

Hi everyone

I have many skills, as I am sure you all know. But have you actually seen these skills in action?

Now you can. See below:

Gardening: Here's me potting a gardenia. I am also excellent at wearing mum's green bead necklace.

Advising on gardening: mum needs a bit of assistance in potting plants. This is why I like to shove my hand into potting mix. You know, to help.

Watching: I like to make sure things are all above board on Moore St. I also do a little Buddhist meditation on this bench. This is why I have a fat belly.

Supervising: Dad needs advice on how to rake. I keep telling him to tape up the handle so he doesn't get splinters, but do you think he listens? No. That's why he does the manual labour while I sit and watch.

Art critiquing: I went to the Sydney Biennale, some sort of contemporary art festival mum said. Bollocks - contemporary art is what you call art any idiot could come up with, in my opinion. Like this sign. Yes, this is freedom, you arty idiot, you are lucky I don't whack you over the head with this sign for being a ponce. Or maybe I should stop listening to dad and his views on art...

Contemporary artisting: So, as any idiot can make art, I had a crack. This is called Spagart, and it's an installation in our kitchen made from a high chair and spaghetti. It really questions the relationship pasta has with my mouth.

Sprinting: Yeah baby, I can run. Well, walk very fast then fall over. Might be too late for Beijing, but the next Olympics, or even the one after that, I am a goer. It's these chubby sprinter's thighs that are the secret to my pace.

Australia's next top modeling: Chicks dig me, as we all know. Here I am, just chillin' at the Botanical Gardens, when these ladies beg for a picture. Who am I to say no? I don't ever disappoint a lady.

So there you are, another brilliant look into the life of me. Mad skills, I've paid all them bills. And I am probably in credit you know.

Cheers
Harper

Workin' 9 to 5

Hiya there

Working 9 to 5? That's nothing. This being a kid thing just doesn't end. From the moment I wake up at around 6.15am till the moment I nod off about 7pm, I am workin' it hard. The below photos are all the proof you need.

Here I am, reviewing important paper work first thing. It is critical I make the aeroplane take off. Over and over again. It is a busy airport indeed, the title of the book certainly is no lie.

Every hard worker needs a morning tea snack. As beer and donuts are not allowed, a Sao with Vegemite is the choice. You know, I do like Vegemite. Sometimes, I even get it in my mouth.

Emptying the tub o' toys is a daily job. It just never seems to end. I empty it, then next day, as if by magic, all my stuff is back in the tub again.

Gotta lot of pressure in this job, typing up reports for the boss, paying the accounts, booking the trolley in for a service. The red wheel, which is the left back, has developed a squeak. Might be the brakes. That's all I need, another bill...

Then I have the grounds maintenance to keep up. These plants don't just grow themselves, oh no, that's a common misconception stupid people have. They need to be watered, from a can, even if there is no water in the can.

The right footwear is essential for the job. I use and recommend Dunlop Volleys. And snappy red pants.

That's just a sample of my working day. I think I am only up to lunch here.

Oh, and a big shout out to my Mighty Hawks. Man that win against Adelaide was super sweet. So Dad told me, I was of course in bed.

Right, time for baked beans and yoghurt. Not together, of course, cos that would be too weird.

Cheers
Harper

Walking the walk

Hi peeps

Just been getting up to the usual around here, you know, growing and stuff. Doing lots of walking now I am feeling better, I set a new record just tonight of 22-odd steps without falling on my bum. Was pretty impressed with myself as well, let me tell you.

This pic was supposed to be all about me, until mum's dirty pink thong snuck into frame.

I've been a bit unwell, had a bit of a temperature and stuff, turned out my throat was all yukky. I do really like the medicine though. Mmmm, mango.

Dad is such a nerd, he likes playing with my building blocks. I am not sure what the thing on the left is, I think mum sniggered though. Dad was so impressed with himself cos he used all 50 blocks. I was so impressed I trashed his creations. The fall of Rome has nothing on me.

Cousin Robin came over with a real life example of a prosthetic limb. I didn't know what that was until dad said 'hey, ace fake leg'. Then it all made sense. Once I worked out what a leg was and learnt that you could lose one. I have been very careful with mine since, and happy to report I still have both my own.

Mum thinks she is hilarious, trying to get silly pics of me...

...but I had my revenge. Some people make 'rabbits ears' behind people's heads in pics. I prefer something much more subtle.

On dad's birthday, we went for a ride out at Homebush. I was pretty stoked, with a biscuit in each hand, I thought it was Christmas again. Dad promised me he wouldn't shoot fairies in my direction.

While dad pondered the best way back, I decided to make a break for it. The beanie under the helmet was to make the helmet fit better. It's not a fashion statement. Of course, I am wearing stripes. That is a fashion statement.

A big hello to mama and papa, who are right now buying me lots of things in Europe somewhere. I wish them all the best on their most important mission.

Will try to do another blog soon. When I am done counting my legs.

Cheers
Harper

Firsts

Hi there

Yes, three blogs in one night. Mum must have spiked my dinner with caffeine.

This is more just a list of recent 'firsts'. You'll see what I mean...

First time standing in the middle of Henson Park Marrickville, home of the mighty Newtown Jets (they won 32-0 that day as well. Take that Bulldogs). You might want to zoom a touch to see me...

First time exploring a Slurpee Cup in a park in Brisbane (and not the first time mum has dressed me in this t-shirt then taken pics). Dad does like Brisbane, honestly.

First time in a carwash. And last, thank you very much mum and dad (who thought it was hilarious). Car was clean though.

First time driving a boat on Sydney Harbour. It was a little 18-footer than belongs to Michael and Anna. They live on the far Northern Beaches (like, camp overnight it was so far from Campsie) where it is pretty. And doesn't mum look rather pleased with herself?

First bath with no water. Yes, I have discovered the joy of plugs, and how sliding around in an empty bath is ripper fun. And very environmentally friendly of me. Except that it was full of water before I let it out. Er...anyway.

First walking. Here's me impressing Olivia with my mad vertical skills.

First Milk Arrowroot biscuit. Ava is in total awe of the way I totally eat this biscuit. People say the first one is the best, but I disagree - I reckon my one millionth might be. I reckon I am half way there.

First time I pointed out to Uncle Aaron that the Brisbane Lions suck. The mighty Hawks did the business at the Gabba that night.

First Greek Easter. Smashing hardboiled eggs is totally grouse. I could so be Greek just for that.

Cheers
Harper

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me...

Hi

I'm one! I know, I can hardly believe it myself. One minute, life was simply sleep, poo and food...do it again. Now it's far more complex, sleep, poo, food and try to destroy everying in the house. And now I am the king of all before me. And one. And getting heaps of ace presents.

So, with no further ado:

Thursday, May 1. Time - friggin' early. Mum and dad give me a present. Gee, wonder what it could be...

Yes, OMG, it's a ball. With more pimples on it that an entire McDonalds crew. I like to kick it.

Later that morning, Mum made cupcakes. I sat guard, waiting for them to cook. A watched pot never boils apparently. But watched cup cakes do cook, even if the oven is crap.

At park, I got to hang out with all my girls. Here, front left is Olivia, and to the right is Ava. Behind me is Linda and that chick in the green hoodie looks familiar as well.

Saturday, May 3. Time...about lunch-ish. I survey my family, who are in town to see me. And shower me with love. And building block, books, pull-along dogs, clothes and more. Uncle Aaron snapped this artistic pic. I think he had sampled a few of dad's special drinks, the ones in the green bottle with Cascade written on it. Not even on my birthday did I get a sip. Harsh.

I do like to play with my truck, on the pebbles, under the big tree. Auntie Kara is keeping guard, just waiting for me to put a pebble in my mouth. I don't eat them, more let them sit on my mouth. Hey, I don't know why, I am only one.

Dad cooked lunch. Somewhere in the smoke is the BBQ. Dad must have been sampling a few of his special drinks, cos it looks here as if he is conducting some sort of smokey orchestra. Or trying to raise the dead with some kind of American Indian smoking ceremony. I wish he wouldn't do that on my birthday.

Back at the table, Uncle Greggy, Sid and I were having an indepth discussion about the important stuff. Here I am explaining to them why food tastes better after being smeared into the table for a bit.

Cake time. Apparently I can't blow out candles. If I could talk, I would have told mum and dad to turn me around...I could knock the house down with some of that action. Apparently it's called 'shooting a fairy'. Anyway, chocolate cake with sprinkles is yum.

'Made it to one' they said. Cheeky buggers, every day with me has been a blessing.

Check out the ace candles mum found at some shop that sells ace candles. I think it was called 'The Ace Candle Shop'. And please ingore the couple dressing. Mum spends too much time in the 'Stripey Clothes' shop.

And yes, I know, it was my party, and damn it I will cry if I want to. Actually, I was just trying to tell the papparazzi to back off for a few minutes.

Presents...it was a bonanza of beaut gifts, everything a one-year-old could want. And check out the honey joys in the bottom left - I would later smear them all over my face in a cornflakey and honey extravaganza.

Sunday, May 4. Time...arvo. Dad, Auntie Kara and Ma ma are off shopping in Newtown, Alice and Greg are tormenting Sid and Papa has passed out like a vagrant. Mum kept telling him to ease up with the cooking sherry, but you know Papa.

Ah, so many memories. If I was older, I would remember them.

Thanks to everyone who came, and I apologise for lifting the bar on backyard birthday's so high. Siddy, you better start planning now buddy.

Cheers
Harper

Siddy PJ verses Harper MP

Hi all

Recently, my little cousin Sidney busted a rhyme on my bottom. This is my reply:

The bar’s been raised

The challenge been set

Now I gotta step it on up

Gotta be the best yet

Gotta serve it up to Siddy

And his Melbourne style

Rappin’ ‘bout his ladies

All round the dial

Well he is packing nuthin’

But his toddler tits

While I’m running circles

With my rhyming wits

I ain’t down with bragging

But I’ve got the sweet hair

And I can walk a bit

When I’m pushing a chair

I’ve got a set of pearlies

Leave you wanting more

And I love to say ‘yeah baby!’

When I’m on the floor

I’ve got a way with the girls

When I’m playing hard to get

They’re all falling for my charms

While I’m grabbing on their – HO!

So Siddy when you’re sittin’

Wondering what to do

You can ponder my last line –

We all know who has the best BBQ

Word!

Yeah, as you can see, I celebrated a bit too much after serving Sid.

Never again, Todd McKenney, never again.

Cheers
Harper

And the winner is...Sidney

Hello me fans

Last week was madness. I was on the edge of my high chair in anticipation. I could barely sleep I was so excited. Then when Mum said 'Sidney is here', I almost stopped drooling. How beaut was it to have my Melbourne cuz up in my town? More beaut than a never-ending supply of vanilla custard.

So, here's the highlights of Sidney's trip to Sydney to see me.

Here's me and Sid hanging in the park in our ace strollers. I am trying to teach him how to look cool and get the trucker arm happening, but he is posing for the camera. I never do that.

And who thought they were the hippest, most swinging baby in town? That would be Sidney PJ Diddy. Appearing at the Campsie RSL all this week, don't forget to try the buffet. Ladies bring a cheese.

And here is Sidney again. Hmmm, this is my blog, not his, he has his own. Anyway, this is him boning up on who is in contention for a Gold Logie.

Hey! This is not on. Sidney again, this time with his mum, on my blog! This has got to end.

Yes Sidney PJ Esposito, I am looking at you. You keep taking over my blog and I will take you down, chubby cheeks. Just as soon as I am finished with lunch. Finally back to me. Here's me tuning my guitar so I can bust some sweet tunes to impress the ladies. About three minutes after mum took this pic, I played Sweet Child O' Mine. Behind my head. While drinking a beer and with my legs on fire. I am pretty damn cool.

So there you go. A blog sort of about me, when that southern interloper and his toddler tits aren't hogging all the space. It was ace having Sid and Auntie Alice about, although I got the feeling Sid was missing his dad and the gun show by the end of his visit. My dad's guns are way pathetic when compared to Uncle Greggy's.

Cheers
Harper