Got the skills to pay the bills

Hi everyone

I have many skills, as I am sure you all know. But have you actually seen these skills in action?

Now you can. See below:

Gardening: Here's me potting a gardenia. I am also excellent at wearing mum's green bead necklace.

Advising on gardening: mum needs a bit of assistance in potting plants. This is why I like to shove my hand into potting mix. You know, to help.

Watching: I like to make sure things are all above board on Moore St. I also do a little Buddhist meditation on this bench. This is why I have a fat belly.

Supervising: Dad needs advice on how to rake. I keep telling him to tape up the handle so he doesn't get splinters, but do you think he listens? No. That's why he does the manual labour while I sit and watch.

Art critiquing: I went to the Sydney Biennale, some sort of contemporary art festival mum said. Bollocks - contemporary art is what you call art any idiot could come up with, in my opinion. Like this sign. Yes, this is freedom, you arty idiot, you are lucky I don't whack you over the head with this sign for being a ponce. Or maybe I should stop listening to dad and his views on art...

Contemporary artisting: So, as any idiot can make art, I had a crack. This is called Spagart, and it's an installation in our kitchen made from a high chair and spaghetti. It really questions the relationship pasta has with my mouth.

Sprinting: Yeah baby, I can run. Well, walk very fast then fall over. Might be too late for Beijing, but the next Olympics, or even the one after that, I am a goer. It's these chubby sprinter's thighs that are the secret to my pace.

Australia's next top modeling: Chicks dig me, as we all know. Here I am, just chillin' at the Botanical Gardens, when these ladies beg for a picture. Who am I to say no? I don't ever disappoint a lady.

So there you are, another brilliant look into the life of me. Mad skills, I've paid all them bills. And I am probably in credit you know.

Cheers
Harper